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I was 22 years old, playing college tennis at University of South Carolina in the DI NCAA Regional Tournament. USC was playing against the University of Tennessee in the final round and I was the deciding match. (Meaning we were tied as a team score 3-3.) The winner goes on to the DI NCAA Sweet 16 and the loser goes home.
Being the deciding match to win one of USC's biggest moments in history was terrifying and exciting at the same time. I won the 1st set pretty easily, lost the 2nd set to nerves, and in the 3rd set I remember going into this calm headspace, that many people call 'the zone'. I would breathe and take each moment point by point. I didn't get ahead of myself and was confident that I could beat this girl.
Long story short, I won 6-3 in the 3rd set. At that moment I felt on top of the world. I was able to be part of a team going to the Sweet 16 and beat a player that I lost to all season long. That year we made history by making it to the DI NCAA Quarterfinals. It was a moment I'll cherish for the rest of my life.
Fast forward to 2019, I started my own spiritual business and took a deep dive into self growth. I knew very little about starting a spiritual business, because my entire life had revolved around tennis. I constantly battled with the belief, 'I'm not good enough'. I said this statement way too many times. I felt lost about what I was doing, because my identity had been attached to being a tennis player or tennis coach. I got to a point with my spiritual growth that I let go of my identity all together. YAY! But from a business standpoint this means people don't know what service or products you are providing. Huh, alchemy wwwhat? What do you do?
And while I knew I needed time to grow my business, because nothing happens overnight. I was hyper critical, comparing myself to others who had already been in the business or knew more about marketing, I would blame myself for not knowing, and felt like no one understood me.
Sometime between 2021 and 2023, I learned a lot about what not to do and piece by piece I started to understand a spiritual business and more importantly understand myself and what I wanted to share, offer, and connect with other like-minded souls. Also, I realized that my business was a reflection of me and what I was working through.
I share my tennis story and my business because I believe that everyone can relate to the feeling of losing something that they are confident in. It could be a sport, a business, a career, a personal relationship, or anything else that is important to you. Whether it is by choice, by circumstance, or Universal Will we are all forced to learn how to be confident in something new at some point in our lives.
I hope that my story can inspire you to embrace change and to never give up on yourself. No matter what happens, you can always find a way to be confident in yourself and in your abilities again.
1) Find Your Value: Society wants you to believe that feeling valued comes from your career or feeling approved by others makes you feel seen. It does something to the ego when you are used to being acknowledged for your career achievements, being valued in your niche, and then it's all gone. The ego goes WTF. Who am I? What is my identity? If you are looking to find your value in another person, your career, or trophy-like achievements you will never find it. This may seem like a no brainer, honestly ask yourself, "Who am I without work/school, without being a parent, without being a husband/wife, without the ego being attached to any form of identity or construct that society has created?"
2) Release Expectations: My approach to creating services and products started to become less of an outcome base. For example, I would set a goal for the number of people I desire to attend my workshop. When I didn't achieve the goal, I would say, 'how can you be successful in tennis but not at this'. Yeahhh, I was a perfectionist and brutal to myself. I shifted my mindset to, 'It's okay to not know. I am practicing, learning, and growing. Those who are looking for my unique services will find me.'
3) Shift Your Routine: I changed my mental and physical habits, the way I spoke to myself and others, and how to embody confidence and magnetism within myself. For example, I am not a morning person. The one thing that would help me get out of bed was coffee. Coffee was my ritual and made my day. It put me in a good mood and I was ready to take on the day. Unfortunately, coffee was burning me out, in fact caffeine itself was burning me out. While it's still a work in progress, I have greatly reduced my caffeine intake. So far I am sleeping more deeply and waking up happier without an alarm clock (for the first time in my life.)
If you would like to hear more about my story on adrenal dysfunction, Watch, "My Story: Adrenal Fatigue."
Remember, no person, career, or achievement can give or take away your self-value and self-worth. Being enough, feeling valued and worthy is your birthright! Self-value and self-worth is something already within you. You just have to learn how to access it.
Do You Ever Feel:
If so, you're not alone. Over the last 12 years, I've coached 100s of people who struggled with low self-confidence.
In FCM, Fearlessly Confident Masterclass, you will learn how to:
FCM is the golden solution to finally overcome your insecurities and embody your full potential.
Sign up for FCM today and start building the confidence you need to punch fear in the face.
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