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Feeling Disconnected, Lonely, or You Don't Belong?

Feeling Disconnected, Lonely, or You Don't Belong?

  • 26 March, 2022
  • Gira Schofield

Have you ever felt alone or you don’t belong in this world?

Have you ever felt disconnected from yourSelf and the world around you?

Have you ever thought I am different, weird, or no one understands me?

On and off in my life I battled with being alone, especially when I competed professionally in tennis. At that time, I did not know how to process my feelings. The only thing I knew was to carry on and move forward from tournament to training, then back to another tournament. 

Sometimes being on the road for 3-4 weeks at a time traveling by myself. This isn't the life that you see on TV, where they are being paid by sponsors, making thousands to millions of dollars for each round or tournament they win, and having their close family & allies around them. I wish I knew back then how to recognize and process the feeling of loneliness. 

Has there ever been a time in your life where you just keep pushing forward mentally or physically, even though your mind or body start to show symptoms to slow down, pause, or completely stop you? Or better yet you ignore the symptoms and they take a hold of your body & mind?

From time to time the feeling of loneliness arises. Nowadays, I have learned to recognize what my needs are and what I can do to meet those needs. There are times I do (dis)connect myself from the outside world. However this is to my own accord, because I am choosing to (dis)connect from the world around me and connect more deeply within mySelf and my heart. 

(Side note- this is not the same meaning of disconnect that I am using in this blog. The difference is I am intentionally withdrawing myself from the outside world and making space and time to connect with mySelf- such as Yogi’s do with pratiharya.)

A lot of the time when you feel disconnected, lonely, or not belonging you feel like you are the only one. Honestly, you would be surprised how many people feel this way. I have had many clients during their phase of transformation say, “I feel lonely.” You can be in a crowded room, have a family, be in a relationship, in a business meeting, and still feel lonely. It is a feeling within yourself and not based upon outside circumstances. 

While feeling lonely in reality is not true, it very much feels like reality. You might say, “Gira, how is this not true? It feels very real to me.” Well spiritually, you are always connected to God/Source/Infinite Creator, you can never not be. I am going to teach you how to recognize these ego based feelings and the action steps to reconnect back to yourSelf and your heart.

First, the feeling of being disconnected, not belonging, or lonely means that your survival needs are not being met. What your mind is actually telling you is that I am yearning for a deeper connection with mySelf, nature, another human-being, or a community. 

Journal Prompt 1) When that feeling rises ask yourSelf, what needs are not being fulfilled right now? How can I connect deeper with mySelf, nature, animals, or a wholehearted community? Do I need sleep, food, water, a break, or a holiday?

Second, this feeling of being disconnected, lonely, or not belonging is ego driven. It is a basic human survival need. As human-beings we are not meant to be by ourselves for long periods of time. (Even if your personality is introverted. I can tell you first hand about being a major introverted person.) We all still desire the same basic survival need for connection, even if some people need human connection all the time and others need very little. 

Journal Prompt 2) Are you aware of how much connection you need? Do you know what type of healthy connection you are looking for? Is this desire for connection coming from a place of love or codependency?


Third, this survival instinct is beyond personality trait(s) and comes from a place of fears, traumas, social expectations, and/or heavily conditioned past experiences. Meaning that your survival mechanism is taking over and you revert back to fight/flight/freeze mode. The good news is that once you recognize this feeling you can choose to stay there or reconnect with yourSelf and your heart. Depending on the depths of trauma, some may need special assistance and I suggest you reach out to a mental health specialist.  

How to identify when you feel disconnected, lonely, or you don’t belong?

What to look for:

  • You say to yourself or others, I am lonely, I don’t belong, I am different, I can’t find another person to connect with i.e romantic relationships or friendships.
  • You keep yourself in a state of low vibrational thoughts & the words you speak. (Exp- I can’t find a partner, no one wants to be my friend, no one understands me, he/she is against me, no one will ever love me, etc.)
  • You are quick to judge, discriminate, or sabotage yourself.
  • You go into a reactive state with rapid-fire thoughts & feelings towards yourself or others.  
  • Physically, the body feels drained, tired, unmotivated, does not want to move, or tired of trying all together.
  • Mentally that voice tells you, you are right and the cycle of poor me continues to perpetuate. 
  • Emotionally you feel alienated, detached, removed, bored, or distracted.
  • Spiritually you feel you don't belong, you do not trust yourSelf or others, and you make demands from God/Source/Infinite Creator.

How to identify when you feel connected, loved, or belonging?

What to look for:

  • You are able to see things from a broader perspective or even-mindedness.
  • You observe the situation objectively and with ease.
  • Your thoughts & the words you speak are highly vibrational towards yourSelf & others. (Exp- Source has a bigger plan for me, I am practicing how to be a friend to myself & others, I am learning to love myself & others, he/she can only understand from what they perceive to be true, everyone is trying to do the best that they can & so am I, etc.)
  • Physically the body has energy, is vibrant, expansive, the body wants to move, or you take action to speak with nonviolent communication.
  • Mentally you have an open-mind to discern what is true and what your ego is trying to protect you from. You have a “knowing” that you are safe, protected, supported, and trust yourSelf & those around you.
  • Emotionally you appreciate yourSelf and others, you feel love from yourSelf and those around you, or you feel a sense of wholehearted community.
  • Spiritually you feel compassionate, accepted, you feel a greater sense of belonging, and “know” everything is in Divine Order.

Questions to Inquire Within & Journal Prompt 3:

  • How can I look at this situation with a bird’s eye view?
  • How can I honor my feelings?
  • What needs are not being met? Is it from me or my partner?
  • Do I need more wholehearted community support?
  • Do I feel fatigued, tired, upset, thirsty, or hungry?
  • Do my thoughts & feelings bring me closer to mySelf, others, or the community around me?
  • Do my thoughts & feelings disconnect or distance me from mySelf, others, or the community around me?
  • Go back to Journal Prompts 1& 2.

I will finish with these final thoughts. It is normal to have these feelings as human-beings we all do. Many times we think, “something is wrong with me.” Where in actuality “nothing is wrong.” It is the pointer to the bullseye that is directing you where you can learn to grow and improve your feeling state. When you can acknowledge that everything starts with you and not others. You no longer need to blame others and the world around you. 

You get out of your own way. You start taking responsibility for your needs and your feelings. You trust that this is happening for me, not to me. 

In return you don't only help yourself but you help your loved ones as well. You show others how to look at yourself, your behaviors, and your actions with more compassion, acceptance, and trust. They can see first hand the challenges you have gone through and how you have transformed like a caterpillar into a butterfly. After all, my Papa once told me to be alone, really means (all)one. You just need to create the space and time to remember, We Are All One. We Are Always Connected.

Was this blog useful? Yes, check out my other blogs, NonViolent Communication or To Feel All The Feels.

Are you ready to make a positive lifestyle change in mind-body-spirit? Yes? Learn how to rewire your brain, The Myelin Miracle.

Are you looking for accountability in your thoughts, your feelings, the words that you speak, and the actions you take on a day to day basis? Yes, I am ready!

Many times we know we need to make a lifestyle change but don’t. Why? Because we are not meant to do it alone and need the extra support. Are you ready to reach out for a helping hand? Let's Do It!

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